The year 2010 started off like any other year lately. A family party, filled with laughter and family love, a small get together with my immediate family and a weekend filled with nothing exciting. I had a lot of expectations for 2010, but almost 2 months in, I realized my expectations were far too high.
I started school in mid January. My heaviest course load so far and it’s been quite a challenge being in school in the mornings and in school with kids a minimum of 20 years younger than me. It’s a challenge yet it’s actually kind of nice looking at the world in the eyes of the kids that are just out of high school. Even though there are times where I want to throw my book at them and tell them to get out of their bubble and see the real world. But how do I know their world is just like mine? How do I know if this is their reality?
I do wish some of these kids would take school seriously. I can't believe how many of them pop into class anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes late to a 2 hour class.. I mean seriously, why bother coming to class at all. As an adult I think god this is so disturbing to the rest of the class and then I remember what it was like to be that age and wonder if I was the same way or did I take my own advice and just cut..lol I probably just cut!
I have met some really good kids in classes and some pretty good teachers this semester. I think in the end it will be a good semester for me and a good dent into my finishing my course loud. Although my online course is a struggle. I hate it actually. As much as I love being on the computer, doing a course without a lecture or a teacher sitting in front of me..I’m completely at a loss.
Life in general is moving along. For every 2 steps forward I feel like I take 3 or 4 back. I feel like a complete failure sometimes and sometimes I just feel like giving up. It’s a struggle day to day to just maintain any kind of positive attitude in life and in myself in general. Don’t get me wrong I love my family and the friends that I have and I would never want to lose any of it. But there are some days I just want to crawl into a dark cave and hibernate. I’m sure many of us have those same days and well its natural right. While we should all be positive, it’s hard to be positive 100% of the time.
I’m about 3 months shy of turning 40 and I’m scared to death to look at that day and look back and wonder what I’ve done with my life. Right now it feels like I’ve done nothing. Everything I had worked so hard to achieve is gone and I’m flapping about with nothing to show for it. Hopefully 2010 is as prosperous as we wished it to be. Right now the silver lining is not showing and I worry not just about myself but my family.
Hopefully I can keep up with this blog…
